What if?

What if I made these decisions instead of those. Would things have turned out differently?

My friend asked me yesterday: "What do I feel when I run into my ex?"

For me, when I am walking towards her. Each step I take, is one into my past; the memories replay in my head, the butterflies in my stomach becomes active. I try my best to look my best and act like I'm doing so well without her. But, my heart is skipping beats, my breathing becomes uneven. I want to turn in the other direction and get away from all these emotions, but it's too late, she already sees me. Then I try to avoid eye contact by pretending to be looking for someone or to be pretending to text. When that moment finally comes, when we are finally next to each other, I have nothing to say to her. As she passes by, I smell her once familiar scent. When this is all over with, I realize it was the biggest mistake to let her walk out of my life. I turn back hoping for her to do the same, but only to find out she's already gone.

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Getting replaced is a really despairing thing. It sucks knowing someone took your place. Sometimes you don't even notice it, other times it just happens. Promises and promises, doesn't even matter if you get replaced. It hurts to know that things won't ever be the same again, even if you want them to be. All the things you used to do, you don't do them anymore because you were put to the side and forgotten. I hate seeing someone else doing stuff I used to do.

Sometimes, I feel a little jealous inside imagining someone can please you more than me. I guess it's just my insecurities acting up a bit, because I know I'm not the most beautiful, most fun, or even the most exciting person you'll ever meet. It hurts to see you flirting and smiling with other guys, but you're not mine, and you could still do whatever... Still, I wish i was the guy making you smile like that. When someone becomes a part of your daily routine, it's so hard to adjust once you stop talking. They end up being all you think about.

So what if? What if I made these decisions instead of those? What if I did this instead of that? What if she hates me? What if she has a new boyfriend?

There is no point on dwelling in the past. Instead, I should be living for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. So I ask myself What if I made these decisions? What if I said this and not that? What if she doesn't hate me? What if she doesn't have a new boyfriend? What if she wants me back as her boyfriend?

What if?